How to Handle Failure

9 July 2014 09:33 am By Mandulee Mendis

R. H. Nandanamala, Principal

Failure is something that we all experience in diff erent proportions and contexts. Since the influence of failure is biased to the negative region, the impact could hold perilous results, specially when it comes to school children. Since failure should be handled with care under the correct parameters, we talked to some experts in the field of education to get their views on handling failure.

Q: As a principal, how would you define failure? Failure is a broad area. Although exam failure comes to our mind first when thinking about failure, there are other failures too. Sports failure, failure in competitions and failure in life are some of them. When you can’t achieve a great goal or a state defined by the society as ‘successful’ you call it a failure. Q: What could be the reasons for failure in general? It depends. Generally, for a schoolchild failure is influenced by the family background, school, environment he/she lives and the child him/herself. Q: What have you got to say about exam failure? When it comes to exam failure, home is the most important body to be considered. If there is no educational background or a value for education at home where the child spends the rest of the day after leaving school, children tend to walk away from education easily. The child should have a good aim and a will to get through the examination, if not no one can make him/her do that. Teachers should pay more attention to weak children in a class because everyone must be given their best chance. Q: What have you got to say about sports and other failures? Well, for other extra-curricular activities, there should be a strong will within the child because it is impossible to make a success out of a child who is not enthusiastic. Not enough facilities in schools affect failure in sports, specially when it comes to government schools. Even the parents should be helpful to shape up the extra talents of their children because each child has different talents and skills. Q: When considering school children in general, who could do the best in helping them handle failure? In our Sri Lankan society, 90% of the children are close to their mothers. Mother is the one who could understand a child’s feelings and emotions. Therefore the mother must have wisdom to guide the child in such a situation without giving the child more pressure and mental stress. Apart from that, in schools we have counselors to whom the children could talk anytime about any of their problems. Q: What is the message you have to give to the children who experience failure in different contexts? What I can say is that, failure is very common to everybody and the best remedy is building the ‘spirit needed to stand up once again’. We see a lot of children who learn through their mistakes and come up with admirable results. So never give up, because there is always a second chance to make things right.

In the context of Children

Anasta de Silva, Teacher

Q: In the context of children, what are the reasons for failure as you see?

• In the examination system of Sri Lanka, only the written aspect is tested. We can’t expect all the children to excel at writing because different students have different talents, so some find it very hard to shrink lessons taught for many years into two or three hours.
• Other one is the most important one. Children get involved with relationships that are not suitable for their age. These love relationships can ruin children because they live in a different world that has no touch of education, which is the main aim of schooling.
• Time management is another problem. When it comes to exam failure, this shows a strong effect. A child should know how to manage the two or three hours given to answer a question paper in order to get better results. Teachers should make them answer questions in the classroom to have a better practice to write to-the-point within the given time. Even while studying, time should be assigned accordingly because a lot of time should be spent on some subjects while not much is required for some.
• Those who are not used to failure find it difficult to bear. This is a reason for further failure.
• When it comes to competitions, a reason for failure is that young children think they know everything once they get to know a little detail. This is a feature of youth. Once they become the best in the school, they think they are the best in the world and don’t prepare for next challenges. This results in failure.

Q: What will be helpful for a person to handle failure?

• First, the religion. Religion can play an amazing role in helping a person handle failure. Practicing religious observances heals the wounded mind and relaxes it. Religion can give hope for a child once again. Therefore the best to do in a case of failure is to get close to the preaching of the religious leader of the person’s religion. One attached to a religion is protected by it.
• Child should practice positive thinking in case of a failure. Rather than seeing the failure as an embarrassment, it could be seen as a lesson or a chance to identify one’s own mistakes. One who gets close to negative thinking has a greater tendency to experience negativity in life.
• Meditation programmes can be very helpful to settle the disturbed mind and to begin life with a fresh start.
• A child must get counseling from a professional if he/she finds it really hard to accept the situation.
• Reading about famous personalities who have succeeded through failure will be truly helpful. It makes children feel that success is still a possibility for them. we have examples in our own country, like the famous writer Martin Wickramasinghe who lost his father at young age and faced many difficulties in life.

Q: What are the results of inappropriate behaviour in case of a failure? Most of the children find life miserable and hopeless once they start building negative thoughts. They find it hard to let go of the inferior impression they have about them. This would result in burial of their other talents too. Q: Can a child stand up once again, having experienced examination failure? Of course. Education has three aspects called knowledge, attitudes and skills. In written exams, only knowledge is tested,the most important one: ‘attitude’ is neglected. Children should be given the impression that they have failed from only one out of three. And that is factual,if studied hard, one could anyhow get through these written exams. If there is a strong will within a child to pass an examination he/she failed once, a child can definitely get through it with the help of parents and teachers.We have seen a lot of children like that. Even for those who fail in Advanced Level, there are two chances available.And there are a lot of institutes that offer qualifications in myriad fields. ‘Talent’ is the power, not a paper qualification. Q: What is the message you could give to someone who has experienced failure? There’s a saying ‘Brook will lose its song if the rocks are taken away’. Failures make life beautiful and make you strong. After some years you could turn back and think ‘I have passed these obstacles in life and got here, I’m proud of myself!’

In the context of PARENTS

Y. H. P. P. Malkanthi, Teacher

Q: When analyzed through parents’ context, what are the reasons that you find for failure? When it comes to parents, they have a major role in sculpting a child. Since a child is quite tender and inexperienced, parents should push them in the right way from the beginning. But parents must also be aware of the limit up to which they should push them. One reason for all sorts of failure could be the effect of parents, either it is lacking, or it is too much that it creates a pressure. Since family background is the number one factor that influences failure of a schoolchild, lack of an educational background at home could affect exam failure of a child, economic difficulties could affect sports failure and corrupt living environment, acquaintances or neighbourhood could affect failure in life. Q: What sort of behaviour is obvious among the parents of school children today? It is terrible. Parents always want to compare their child with another. This creates a mental stress for the child. It is said that grade five scholarship exam is the mothers’ exam and ordinary level is the teachers’ exam. Therefore the pressure given by parents and teachers is too heavy for a child to bear up because every child doesn’t have the best academic skills. Today’s parents hardly understand their child, they know only to force them into studies and carry around the island for tuition; this is never an acceptable behaviour. Once children end up with failure, they scold the children and upset their tender minds putting them mentally down. There are also some uneducated parents who let go of their child thinking he/she is not intelligent just because he/ she failed some written exam. Q: What are the results of the above behaviour? The results are very serious. Some children give up education because they are fed up of the pressure and stress. When parents don’t care them anymore, they become desperate and go astray. When family, the basic unit of the society shows these dysfunctions, how can the children be correctly socialized? Q: What is the correct behavior parents should practice?

• First and foremost parents, specially mother should be the best friend of the child. Children should be given the idea that family is the one thing that stands with them no matter what.
• In case of a failure, parents should find the reasons for failure and treat them accordingly. For an example, if a child fails in maths, parents must find the areas that are hard for him/her, like algebra, statistics or constructions and make the child practice the hard areas more.
• It is the utmost duty of parents to identify the strengths of a child. A child who is good at singing should not be forced to be a doctor. Then the child will lose his/her passion and bliss of life. He/she would continue studies, but would hate medicine and the country will ultimately pay for it.
• In case of an advanced exam, children cannot simply be left out just because they failed it. Parents should search about the open opportunities, both government and private institutions where the child could obtain some qualification in the field of interest. There are a lot of government institutes like technical colleges and private universities today.
• Failure is not the time to abandon the child, but to make the child experience a feeling of belonging because due to failure the child is already down. Neglecting the child could result in a violent criminal who will be a threat to the society.
• If it is a little child, he/she should be given freedom to play too. Maybe parents could make them engage in brain refining games like chess.

Q: How can a parent find reasons for failure? Apart from home, school is the most important body that could influence the life of a child. Peer groups can have a major influence upon a child. Parents should therefore be very alarmed about the friends the child is associating. If there’s a good competition in the class, child will work hard to be on the race but if the friends are a bad influence, there is a greater tendency for a child to go astray. Love affairs at smaller ages could be another issue. Parents should keep a solid eye regarding this matter. Q: What is the message you have to give to all the parents out there? Be with your child and be aware of everything he/she does because it is your responsibility to sculpt him/her in the best way. Failure is not the time to abandon your child but the time to be close to him/ her because with your strength, the child could stand up anyhow.

Importance of Literature for Children

Rev. Sr. M. Concelia Mariampillai

‘Literature’ is an interesting subject that holds lessons that are helpful not only to pass the written exams, but also to get through the most difficult and most important exam of ‘life’ with flying colours.

The soft words of a romantic period poem that are rich with the beautiful nature imagery,the industrial images created by nineteenth century works and the theatrical aura of a drama by Shakespeare can take you to another world and let you experience unforgettable adventures once and for all. For a person to have this skill of enjoying a literary works, he/she should be given that essence since childhood,which means, it should be given from home. Q: Why should parents shove their children into literature from their small ages? Making children familiar with literature is essential. I presume, that they have really understood what literature is. Actually, “Literature is for life”. Therefore if Literature is for life, it should begin with life. The formative period of a child begins at the very early stage. So the parents should think that literature should be given early to the children. Q: What effect could literature have upon the thinking pattern and the behaviour of children? There are varied genre of Literature. Poetry is one form given in the form of lullaby that is intoned to sooth the baby. These melodious rhythms and soft words could get buried in the minds of small children. Stories told to the children, make them be sensitive to others who are suffering out there. Stories generally carry morals that help children to absorb right attitudes and right behaviour. When it comes to imagination, nothing can do better than literature. When a child reads a book he/she pictures the image in mind according to the way he/she wishes, this is the foundation of a child’s imagination. Children begin to identify themselves with the hero or heroine. Through literature, they also learn to express their emotions in the right way. Q: What kind of literature is available for schooling children? Literature is everywhere. Children can start with small stories and carry on until masterpieces of literature. Literature subject varies according to syllabuses. If it is Cambridge or Edexel, their syllabus is different from the local one. They may take up “Fasting & Feasting “ by Anita Desai, “Stories of ourselves”, “The Importance of being Earnest” and so on. As for local ones for reading, one may consider Enid Blyton stories at the early period, and later ‘Harry Potter’, ‘Twilight’, and ‘Hardy Boys’. Q: How can parents make their children familiar with literature? Parents must make children familiar with little stories. As presents, they could be given interesting books because nothing is worth than a book. Parents must stay with children to show them the motives of actions and attitudes that prompt the actions of the characters. Q: Is literature an interesting subject? Of Course, it has no bounds. It touches the heart and arouses the emotions of the reader. Literature can make the mind think creatively. Someone who is familiar with literature will always see through people and things. Q: Can you recommend some good English novels/short stories for schooling children? Abbreviated and simplified stories of Shakespeare’ drama could be recommended for children of any age group. Abbreviated and simplified Charles Dickens Novels like David Copper field, Nicholas Nickle by, A Christmas Carol, Oliver Twist, Great Expectations are good for a child to read. There and so many other good books by other writers too. As for short stories, I can recommend Biblical stories, Religious stories, and Moral stories.