LW

[Asks Sirohmi Gunesekera
(Teacher, Attorney-at-Law and Researcher into Human Relations & The Family Unit)]

Do you think that all women must dress modestly and not invite undue attention from men?

Then what do you think of girls who wear strappy tops and see-through blouses and miniskirts? Do you disapprove wholeheartedly?

Come with me inside the mind of a boy. Let’s call him Asitha. Like the average youth, he has been spoilt at home and his mother gives in to him at every turn.He is now a teenager and becomes interested in girls. His mother has not told him anything about sex and his knowledge is confined to furtive glimpses into porn magazines and discussions with other boys. His parents stop talking about so-called ‘adult’ topics and switch t.v.channels when sexily-dressed girls are performing. Hence his curiosity about sex is at an all-time high.

One day, he finds himself alone in a lift with a girl. She is dressed in a tank top and a miniskirt. He grabs her and tries to feel her body. She screams and they arrive at the next floor where she escapes out of the lift.

Now who is right and who is wrong?

I have no doubt that most of you would say, “She asked for it by dressing provocatively.” You would say that she revealed her body and he was tempted.

But I beg to disagree. Men and women have a right to dress in any way they like. Clothes are meant to be worn with an air and fashions decree that parts of the body are on show at times.

To me the fault lies in the upbringing of the youth. EVERY BOY SHOULD BE BROUGHT UP TO RESPECT ALL WOMEN EVEN A SEX WORKER OR PROSTITUTE. BESIDES, ALL MEN(AND WOMEN) SHOULD BE TAUGHT TO CONTROL THEIR URGES, INCLUDING SEX.

There is no point dividing women into good women and bad women. Most traditional fathers and mothers bring up boys to respect so-called ‘good women’ they can marry one day and so’called ‘bad women’ they can have fun with . This is absolutely wrong.

Having sex is not something dirty and shame-faced. Men and women enjoy having sex provided they have not been brainwashed. Parents should have frank discussions with teenagers “whose hormones are raging” and encourage them to talk about sex so they will not be curious. I have spoken openly about sex with my son and daughter and as a result they are not curious about it.

It is important that teenagers are dissuaded from experimenting with sex and that they are told that there is a time for it as consenting adults. Sometimes, kissing and cuddling may be allowed in a relationship between a girlfriend and a boyfriend, provided they do not go beyond that.

Even kissing on the lips and hugging should be confined only to those in a relationship and casual lovemaking should be frowned on.

Of course, television and films along with the Internet mean that sex is more visible and men and women may be tempted to try it out. This is why it is so important that parents and teachers tell young people the dangers of experimenting, including the danger of contracting HIV AIDS which can be sexually transmitted.

Since boys are not properly educated, it is wise to refrain from dressing provocatively in public but let us start by informing men and women about the need for self control in every situation.